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A Meowing Minstrel I Part 2
A Meowing Minstrel I Part 2 is the second part of a fan-made crossover written by Rigsrigsrigs10918 and Disneydude15. Premise The Pound Puppies and Friends, along with the Tiny Toons, act out the final part of the Mikado. Plot Part One (Picking up where the first part left off, Calamity Coyote, still in his tuxedo, walks on stage, bows to the audience and starts conducting the orchestra as the curtains open. The overture begins as Cooler enters.) Cooler: Welcome back to Titipu. When we last left the cast of this operetta, Nanki Poo has been reunited with his lover, Yum Yum, but was still saddened by the fact that Yum Yum was not only engaged to Koko, but Koko was also promoted to Lord High Executioner. However, the tables of fate have been turned when Koko, Pooh Bah, Pish Tush, Go To, and I learn from the Mikado that unless an execution is carried out, Titipu will be reduced to a village and Koko will be going back to the chopping block. Thinking fast, he picked Nanki Poo to be the substitute and agreed that Koko will execute Nanki Poo in a month if he could let Nanki Poo marry Yum Yum. All was peaches and cream when Nanki Poo and Yum Yum finally engage in front of all of Titipu's citizens, including me and Pooh Bah, until Katisha, a woman whom the Mikado chose as the daughter-in-law elected, saw Nanki Poo and Yum Yum and unleashed her rage. It wasn't long until everybody scared Katisha by telling her off, but not before she vowed to get her revenge. And now, we continue our rendition of Gilbert and Sullivan's the Mikado. (Cooler leaves as the overture ends. As the first song begins, Fifi La Fume, Babs Bunny, Elaine, and a chorus of women enter. Babs Bunny and Elaine get ready for the wedding.) Chorus: (Singing) Braid the raven hair, weave the supple dress. Deck the maiden fair in her loveliness. Paint the pretty face, dial the coral lips, emphasize the grace of her ladyship. Art and nature, this allied, go to make a pretty bride. (Babs massages Fifi's feet while Elaine brushes Fifi's hair.) Babs: (Singing) Sit with downcast eye, let it brim with dew, try if you can cry, we will do so too. When your summoned heart like a frightened roe, flutter little heart, color, come and go! Modesty at marriage tide well becomes a pretty bride. Modesty at marriage tide well becomes a pretty bride. (The song ends as Babs and Elaine put a rose in Fifi's hair and the chorus leaves.) Fifi: Yes, I am indeed elegant. I often thought to myself why I am the most beautiful girl in all of Japan. Am I a child of vanity? No. I am a child of nature, for nature is beauty and I inherited my beauty from my mother. (Fifi stands up and holds a fan with a beautiful sun design as the next song begins.) Fifi: (Singing) The sun whose rays are all ablaze with ever living glory, does not deny his majesty he scorns to tell a story. He won't exclaim "I blush for shame so kindly be indulgent!" but fierce and bold in fiery gold he glories all effulgent. I am to rule the earth as he the sky. We really know our worth, the sun and I! I mean to rule the earth as he the sky, we really know our worth the sun and I! (Fifi slowly flips the fan, as the back of fan shows a moon design. The screen splits in two as the right side of the screen shows Furrball playing his shamisen to Buster, Darius, Cooler, and Marcus.) Furrball: (Singing) Observe his flame, that placid dame, the moon's celestial highness, has not a trace upon her face of diffidence or shyness. She borrows light that, through the light, mankind may all acclaim her. And truth be tell, she lights up well, so I, for once, don't blame her. Fifi: (Singing) Ah, pray make no mistake, we are not shy... Furrball: (Singing) We're really wide awake, the moon and I! Both: (Singing) Ah, pray make no mistake, we are not shy. We're really wide awake, the moon and I. (The camera angle on the right slides out as the song ends.) Fifi: Yes. Everything seems to smile upon me. Soon, I'll be married to the man I love. I am the happiest girl in Japan! Babs The happiest girl indeed. But... Fifi: But? Elaine: You still remember that Nanki Poo will be executed in a month, do you? Fifi: Well... Well... (Sadly) I think it's very insensitive of you bring up a subject like that in a time like this! If my marriage is going to be cut short in a month... (crying) can't you let me forget?! (Fifi cries as Babs and Elaine, feeling guilty, comfort her. Furrball, Buster, Marcus, Cooler, Darius, Cleopatra, and Nose Marie enter. Furrball notices Fifi sobbing and goes to comfort her. Buster, Marcus, Cooler, Darius, Cleopatra, and Nose Marie feel sorry for Fifi.) Furrball: Yum Yum in tears and on her wedding day? Fifi: (Sobbing) Yes. I have remembered that you will be beheaded in a month! Babs and Elaine: It's quite true. You were to be beheaded in a month. Furrball: A month? What's a month to us? Let's imagine if our marriage lasted longer. Just think, Yum Yum. We can call each second a minute, each minute an hour, each hour a day, each day a year, each year a decade! Nose Marie: And at that rate, this talk has lasted... Cleopatra: Four hours and forty five minutes, I believe. Fifi: How time flies when one is enjoying one's self! Furrball: That's the way to look at it. There's a silver lining to every cloud. Fifi: Let's be perfectly happy. Darius: By all means, let's... let's thoroughly enjoy ourselves. Babs: It's absurd to cry. Fifi: Quite ridiculous. (All gather around as the next song begins.) Fifi: (Singing) Brightly dawns our wedding day... All: (Singing) Joyous hour we give thee greeting, whither wither, art thou fleeting, fickle moment pretty stay, fickle moment pretty stay. Darius, Marcus, Cooler, and Buster: (Singing) What though mortal joys be hollow? Cleopatra, Elaine, Nose Marie, and Babs: (Singing) Pleasures come if sorrows follow. All: (Singing) Though the tocsin sound ere long.... (Fifi and Furrball sing "Though the tocsin sound ere long" while the rest sing "ding dong" at the same time. ) All: (Singing) Ding, dong. Ding, dong. Yet until the shadows fall, over one and over all. Fifi: (Singing) Sing a merry madrigal... All: (Singing) Sing a merry madrigal, sing a merry madrigal. (All sing "Fa, la, la, la..." through the rest of the song until all of them become sad.) All: (Singing) Fa, la, la, la. (The song ends as Fifi and Furrball smile and embrace each other while everyone else, saddened, leaves. Catgut enters and becomes disgusted.) Catgut: YUCK! (The sudden burst startles Furrball and Fifi) Catgut: Oh, go on, don't mind me. Furrball: I'm afraid we're distressing you. Catgut: Never mind. I must get used to your affection for one another. Fifi: Would you like to retire? It must pain you to see us together. Catgut: No no. Go on, Nanki Poo... kiss her. (Furrball and Fifi kiss and Catgut gives a disgusted look to the audience.) Catgut: Thank you very much... for this simple torture. Fifi: Cheer up. It's only for a month. Catgut: No, my bride-was-to-have-been. Fifi: I'm sorry? Catgut: You can never be mine. (Overjoyed, Fifi and Furrball were about to embrace when...) Catgut: Uh uh uh! I have just received the news that if a married man is beheaded... hehehe... (menacingly) His wife is buried alive. Furrball and Fifi: (Horrified) BURIED ALIVE?! Catgut: Buried alive. It's an unfortunate death if you ask me. Furrball: Who did you get that from?! Catgut: From Pooh Bah, my solicitor. And remember, married men never flirt... Furrball: You're right. They don't. Fifi: Being buried alive is such a stuffy death. Doesn't that make a difference? Furrball: It does. I guess that if I can't risk having you being buried alive... you'll have to marry Ko Ko at once. (After hearing this, Catgut dances around happily while Fifi comes upstaged as the next song begins.) Fifi: (Singing) Here's a how-de-do! If I marry you, when your time has come to perish, then the maiden who you cherished must be slaughtered too. Here's a how-de-do! Here's a how-de-do! (Furrball comes upstage.) Furrball: (Singing) Here's a pretty mess. In a month or less, I must die without a wedding, let the bitter tears I'm shedding, witness my distress. Here's a pretty mess! Here's a pretty mess. (Catgut comes upstage, pushing Furrball out of the way.) Catgut: (Singing) Here's a state of things, to her life he clings, matrimonial devotion doesn't to suit her notion, burial it brings. Here's a state of things, here's a state of things. (Furrball gets in between Fifi and Catgut and holds Fifi's hand.) Fifi and Furrball: (Singing) With a passion that's intense I worship and adore... Catgut: (Singing) But the laws of common sense you ought not to ignore. If what I say is true... Fifi and Furrball: (Singing) It's death to marry you! All: (Singing) Here's a pretty state of things! Here's a pretty how de do! Here's a pretty state of things, a pretty state of things! Fifi: (Singing) Here's a how de... Furrball: (Singing) Here's a how de... Catgut: (Singing) Here's a how de do! For if what I say is true... Furrball and Fifi: (Singing) I cannot, cannot marry you! All: (Singing) Here's a pretty, pretty state of things.... (Speaking) Here's a pretty how de do! (The song ends as Fifi sadly leaves as Furrball tries to stop her.) Catgut: My poor boy, I'm very sorry. Furrball: It's all right. However... Catgut: However what? Furrball: I can't live without Yum Yum. Therefore, I shall perform a happy dispatch with (pulls out a noose) this rope! Catgut: (Shocked) No! Don't do that! (Catgut smacks the rope out of Furrball's hand.) Catgut: If you were to end your life, what's going to happen to me?! I might have to be executed myself! Marcus: (Off-screen) Lord Ko Ko! (Marcus enters, exhausted.) Catgut: Now what is it? Marcus: The Mikado is coming! He'll be here to check up on how you did! Catgut: Now look here, Nanki Poo. A bargain's a bargain and you can't go back in your word. Furrball: Very well then. (Furrball bows.) Furrball: Go right ahead. Behead me. Catgut: Now?! Marcus: Chop it off, Ko Ko. Catgut: I... I can't do it! I haven't done any executions before! I have to begin with a guinea pig and work my way up to the animal kingdom before I can do so. I'm sorry. I can't kill you... I can't kill anybody. Furrball: Well, like you said before, a bargain's a bargain and it must be done. (Catgut gets an idea.) Catgut: I got it! Why should I kill you when I can make up a little lie about having you executed? You can still marry Yum Yum. Furrball: But who's going to let me Yum Yum? Marcus: I will. I am the Lord High Executioner, after all. And will you pay me handsomely, Lord Ko Ko? Catgut: Yes, yes! Go and fetch her! (Marcus leaves.) Catgut: Now take Yum Yum, marry her, go away, and never come back! (Marcus and Fifi enter.) Catgut: Yum Yum, are you busy? Fifi: Not really... Catgut: Then go right ahead and marry Nanki Poo. Fifi: Oh! Furrball: But... (Music can be heard playing.) Catgut: Don't ask questions! Get going! (All leave.) Part Two (The ensemble enters as the next song begins.) Ensemble: (Singing in Japanese) Miya-Sama, Miya-Sama, on uma no mae ni? Pira pira suru no wa nan gia na? Toko tonyare tonyare na. (The ensemble spins around.) Ensemble: (Singing in English) Noble prince, noble prince, what is that thing which is fluttering in front of your majesty's horse? Toko tonyare tonyare na. (The ensemble bows as Cary and Celia, playing the Mikado and Sen Sen, followed by Michelle, Buster, Elaine, Cleopatra, Darius, Cooler, Nose Marie, Gamma, Bright Eyes, Precious, Mr. and Mrs. Vanderfeller, Mr. and Mrs. Bigelow, Little Beeper, and Momo enter.) Cary: (Singing) From every kind of men, obedience I expect. I'm the emperor of Japan... Michelle: (Singing) And I'm his daughter-in-law elect. He'll marry his son, (whispering while winking) he's only got one, (aloud) to his daughter-in-law elect. Cary: (Singing) My morals have been particularly correct. Michelle: (Singing) But they're nothing at all compared with those of his daughter in law elect. Bow! (The ensemble bows.) Michelle: (Singing) Bow, to his daughter in law elect. All except Michelle, Cary and Celia: (Singing) Bow! Bow, to his daughter in law elected. (Michelle prances around as the ensemble bows again.) Cary: (Singing) In fatherly kind of way, I governed each tribe and sect. All cheerfully own my sway... Michelle: (Singing) Except his daughter in law elect. (Showing off her muscles) As tough as a bone with a will of her own is his daughter in law elect. Cary: (Singing) My nature is love and live, I'm free from all defect... Michelle: (Singing) Is insignificantly quite compared to his daughter in law elect. Bow! Bow, to his daughter in law elect. All except Cary, Celia and Michelle: (Singing) Bow, bow to his daughter in law elect. (The ensemble bows again. Cary comes upstage as the next song begins.) Cary: (Singing) A more human Mikado never did in Japan exist. To nobody second, I'm certainly reckon a true philanthropist. It is my very humane endeavor to make to some extent this evil liver a running river of harmless merriment. My object's all sublime, I shall achieve in time, to let the punishment fit the crime, the punishment fit the crime. And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent a source of innocent merriment, of innocent merriment. (Cary dances around. All the men gather around Cary.) Cary: (Singing) All prosy dull society sinners who chatter and bleat and bore are sent to hear sermons from mystical Germans who preach from ten til four. The amateur tenor whose vocal villainies all desire to shirk will during off hours exhibit his powers to Madame Tussaud's waxwork. (Looking at Michelle) The lady who dyes a chemical chestnut or stains her gray hair puce or pinches her figure with painted vinegar and permanent walnut juice. The idiot who in railway carriages scribbles on window panes will only suffer to ride on a buffer in parliamentary trains! (Cary starts laughing then emits a screech to startle the men.) Cary: (Singing) My object's all sublime, I shall achieve in time, to let the punishment fit the crime, the punishment fit the crime. And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent a source of innocent merriment, of innocent merriment. All except Cary, Celia and Michelle: (Singing) His object's all sublime, he shall achieve in time, to let the punishment fit the crime, the punishment fit the crime. And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent a source of innocent merriment, of innocent merriment. (Cary starts dancing again. The women except Celia and Michelle gather around Cary.) Cary: (Singing) The politician quacks who weary with tales of corruption cures, their teeth, I've enacted, shall all be extracted by giggling amateurs. The musical singer attends a series of masses ans fugues and ops by Bach interwoven with Spohr and Beethoven at classical Monday pops. The billiard shark who anyone catches his doom's extremely hard, he's made to dwell in a dungeon cell on a spot that's always barred. And there he plays extravagant matches in fitless finger stalls, on a cloth untrue with a twisted cue and elliptical billiard balls. (Cary laughs again and screeches, startling the women.) Cary: (Singing) My object's all sublime, I shall achieve in time, to let the punishment fit the crime, the punishment fit the crime. And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent a source of innocent merriment, of innocent merriment. All except Cary, Celia and Michelle: (Singing) His object's all sublime, he shall achieve in time, to let the punishment fit the crime, the punishment fit the crime. And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent a source of innocent merriment, of innocent merriment. (The song ends as Cary goes by Celia and everyone else bows. Catgut, Babs and Marcus enter and bow to him.) Catgut: Your majesty! We have news for you. Cary: Yes? Catgut: An execution has been taken place and we have proof. (Marcus hands Cary the certificate of death.) Cary: Oh! I see. At Titipu, the execution has taken place under the witness of the Lord High Everything Else. Catgut: Believe me, your highness, this prisoner had gigantic strength. You should have been there. Cary: Describe it! (Catgut, with an uneasy look on his face, thinks for a moment and gets an idea as the next song begins.) Catgut: (Singing) The criminal cried as they dropped him down in a state of wild alarm. With a frightful frantic fearful frown, (rolling up his sleeves) I bear my big right arm. (Pantomiming grabbing someone) I seized him by his little pigtail and on his knees fell he, as he squirmed and struggled and gurgled and guggled, I drew (pulling out his ax) my snicker-snee, my snicker-snee. Oh, never shall I forget the cry of a shriek that shrieked he. As I gnashed my teeth, when from its sheath, I drew my snicker-snee. Crowd: (Singing) We know him well he cannot tell untrue and groundless tales. He always tries to utter lies and every time he fails. (Babs steps up while the ensemble whispers.) Babs: I'll tell you more, your majesty. I was a witness too. (Babs grabs Dumbo and Dumbo sits down with his feet apart as the song resumes) Babs: (Singing) He shivered and shook as he gave the sign for the stroke he didn't deserve. When all of a sudden, (turns Dumbo towards her) his eyes met mine and it seemed to grace his nerve, for he nodded his head and kissed his hand and whistled an air did he, as (putting her finger on Dumbo's throat) the sabre true (does a throat slash gesture on Dumbo's neck and Dumbo gets frightened) cut cleanly through his cervical vertebrae, his vertebrae. (Dumbo slowly crawls back into the crowd.) Babs: (Singing) When a man's afraid, a beautiful maid is a cheering sight to see. And it's, oh, I'm glad that moment sad would sooth by sight of me. Crowd: (Singing) Her terrible tale you can't assail, with truth it quite agrees. Her taste exact for faultless fact amounts to a disease. (Marcus steps up.) Marcus: And as the Lord High Witness, I'll tell exactly what happened afterwards. (Singing) Now though you have said the head was dead, for its owner dead was he. It stood on its neck with a smile well-bred and bowed three times to me. (Babs and Catgut facepalm and go by him.) Marcus: (Singing) It was none of your impudent off-head nods but as humble as can be for it clearly knew the difference due to a man of pedigree... (Babs and Catgut try to catch his attention.) Marcus: (Singing) Of pedi- (Catgut kicks him) GREE! (Marcus looks down at Catgut.) Marcus: You do that again, Lord Ko Ko, and I'll give you such a Japanese pinch! (The crowd gasps and Catgut and Babs slowly back off.) Marcus: (Singing) And it's, oh, I vow that deathly bow was a touching sight to see. Though trunkless yet, it couldn't forget the difference due to me. Crowd: (Singing) This haughty youth, he speaks the truth whenever he finds it pays, and in this case, it all took place, exactly as he says. Marcus, Babs, Catgut, and Crowd: (Singing) Exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly as he says. (The crowd leaves as the song ends.) Cary: Very interesting! I wish I had been there for the performance. Michelle: Me too. Did I ever tell you how beautiful I look? Catgut: Well, I... Michelle: My face may be plain, but I have a beautiful body. Notice my shoulder blade and my circulation. Catgut: (Aside) And yet, Nanki Poo fled. Cary: Now, you three are wondering why I came here. Catgut, Babs and Marcus: Yes? (Michelle takes a look at the certificate.) Cary: You see, a year ago, Katisha proposed to my son, but my son fled under the guise of a wandering musician. (Catgut, Babs and Marcus are shocked.) Catgut, Babs and Marcus: (Shocked) A wandering musician?! Cary: Yes. I believe his name was... (trying to think) Darn it, I forgot what his name is. Celia: Nanki Poo, dear. Cary: Oh, yes! Nanki Poo. Catgut: Oh! Well, you see, Nanki Poo has gone abroad. Cary: Gone abroad? (Michelle screams in horror.) Cary: What's wrong?! Michelle: (Showing Cary the certificate) See here! Nanki Poo has been beheaded! Cary: My son?! Beheaded?! (Celia faints as Buster catches her.) Michelle: (Crying) Oh, where should I find another? (Gamma looks at Catgut, Babs and Marcus as the trio tremble.) Gamma: You do realize that you have just executed the son of the Mikado? You shall face punishment for this. Catgut, Babs and Marcus: (Horrified) Punishment?! Gamma: Yes. Either by boiling oil or melted lead! Catgut: But I... Gamma: Not a word more, Ko Ko! You will be executed at lunch. Can you wait until then? Catgut, Babs and Marcus: (Sadly) Yes, we can wait until then. Gamma: Splendid. Marcus: (Crying) But I'm not even hungry! Cary: Come, come, cheer up. I'm sure that there are no hard feelings. (Cary pulls out his fan as the next song begins.) Gamma: (Singing) See how the fates their gifts alott, for A is happy, B is not. Cary: (Singing) Yet B is worthy, I dare say, of more prosperity than A. Catgut, Babs and Marcus: (Singing) Is B more worthy? Michelle: (Singing) I should say he's worth a great deal more than A. All: (Singing) Yet A is happy. Oh, so happy. Laughing, haha, chaffing haha, nectar quaffing, hahaha! Ever joyous on this day, happy, undeserving A. Ever joyous on this day, happy, undeserving A. (Marcus, Catgut and Babs huddle around.) Catgut, Babs and Marcus: (Singing) If I were fortune, which I'm not, B should enjoy a happy lot and A should die in misery... (The rest listen in on their conversation.) Catgut, Babs and Marcus: (Singing) That is assuming I am B. Cary, Celia, Michelle, Buster, Elaine, Cleopatra, Darius, Cooler, Nose Marie, Gamma, Bright Eyes, Precious, Mr. and Mrs. Vanderfeller, Mr. and Mrs. Bigelow, Little Beeper, and Momo: (Singing) But should A perish? Catgut, Babs and Marcus: (Singing) That should be! (Gamma glares at the trio.) Catgut, Babs and Marcus: (Singing, frightened) Of course assuming I am B. All: (Singing) B should be happy, oh so happy, laughing l, haha, chaffing haha, nectar quaffing, hahaha! But condemned to die is he, wretched meritorious B. But condemned to die is he, wretched meritorious B. (All except Marcus, Elaine, Buster, Babs, Cagut, Darius, and Cooler leave as the song ends.) Catgut: (To Marcus) Well, this is a nice mess you've gotten us into with your nonsensical story about nodding heads and differences due to a man of pedigrees! Marcus: I was only trying to give a little artistic and perogrative detail to our story. Babs: Perogrative detail, ha! More like perogrative fairy tales! Catgut: And you were just as bad as he is with your catching eyes and whistling airs! You're full of it, the both of you. Marcus: And what about your big, right arm? Babs: And your snicker-snee? Catgut: Well... never mind that now. Nanki Poo is our last hope. (Furrball and Fifi enter.) Catgut: (Singsong) Oh, Nanki Poo! It seems that you are the son of the Mikado! Furrball: Well, that I already know. Now, what do you want this time? Catgut: Your father is here and so is Katisha! Furrball: My father? And with Katisha? Catgut: Yes! Furrball: Hmmm... I have an idea. If you persuade Katisha to marry you, she won't have my desire to marry me and I can come back to life. (Catgut is shocked.) Catgut: Me, marry Katisha?! Fifi: Well, that is the idea. Catgut: Have you ever seen that woman?! Her face is appalling! Category:Fan Fiction Category:Fan made episodes Category:Crossovers Category:What If's